A number of weeks ago I found myself sitting in Terra Market, my favorite little writing spot, eating my tupperware salad and happily typing away. I had about an hour before dance and Pure Bliss and its’ New York Cheesecake was calling my name.
As I sat longing for a huge piece of cheesecake, reasons to deny myself this simply joy blustered through my mind...
- I was, at that exact moment, eating a very yummy, very satisfying salad
- My favorite body-hugging dress already fit rather snuggly that morning
- If I ate too much sugar I might find myself with a pesky yeast infection
- A piece of cheesecake may also result in a nasty breakout
- Really, I’d already been eating a lot of sugar lately
- Did I actually have the time to sit and enjoy it?
And on and on the list stretched. These lists are all too common for humans, in so many aspects of our lives. Why do we so commonly deny ourselves the things we desire? Is it because society tells us we don’t deserve pleasure or joy (and let me tell you, a perfect piece of velvety cheesecake is one of the highest forms of pleasure in my book). Or perhaps because we have been shown repeatedly that our bodies and appearance directly correlate to our value and our desirability - and to be valued we must mirror the models in Vogue?
If I had to guess, I’d say I’m on the right track. We deny ourselves pleasure because we’ve been taught we don’t deserve it because we are not worthy or we are imperfect.
So, I sat at Terra Market thinking about this, why had I made this list? Would I let it stop me? And I decided, not today. Not to-fucking-day! I wanted my cheesecake. So I mentally crumpled up my list and waved goodbye to it.
All my list was doing was holding me back from experiencing something I loved! So I marched right over to Pure Bliss and ordered myself the biggest, most delicious piece of cheesecake.
I sat myself down in a booth and even though I only had ten minutes to eat my cheesecake I took my sweet time. I devoured every velvety bite. And instead of thinking about my too-tight dress or pimples on my face, I thought about how damn happy I was to have listened to my desires.
I enjoyed my cheesecake with joy and appreciation, instead of shame and fear. And I thought to myself how powerful a reminder this tasty piece of cake was. In all aspects of my life I can make lists of fears and “what if's” and allow them to stop me. But I discover such immense happiness and satisfaction when I crumple up my lists and eat the damn cake, hike the damn trail, or hop on the one-way-flight!
May all of you find your own bliss in cake (or your own unique and beautiful version of cake).
Love and light,