This week has been filled with heaps of new informations. I'm facing big changes in a time that is already so transitional. And honestly, I feel okay-ish. I'm readjusting, exploring my options and following what feels good.
My anchor through all these twists and turns has been my longing. My longing to wander wildly. To create a life filled with adventure, freedom and self-care. Every decision I make, large and small is guided by my longing. To be quite honest, it's leading me down a different path than I once imagined for myself.
By following my longings I'm sidestepping my long laid plans. Plans to live a life my peers would understand and approve of. I am actively choosing to let go of my belongings; of sleeping in bed with my partner every night; of settling in, buying a house, and creating a home.
And that's okay. Most days, that really is okay. But somedays I catch myself feeling trapped in the familiar cycle of "I should."
This week, two of my childhood friends got engaged, another posted her brand new engagement photos, another bought a house; there a babies, and weddings popping up like wildflowers. Some days, I find myself filled with such immense joy and excitement for these friends. And other days, I feel annoyance, not at them, but at the fact that they are somewhere "I should be" and I am somewhere COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!
It's the strangest internal struggle. To know so strongly that I am creating the life I truly desire, a life that lights a fire deep within my soul, that allows me to cry on mountain tops, dance on beaches, and howl with the wind. But also to know, that this life is unconventional. (And yes, convention is changing rapidly.) But living in a car, out of backpack, or on a beach etc. is praised in a much different way than a ring on your finger, a kiddo on your hip, or a deed to a home.
So, here I am, well aware that there will be more women in my life who choose a path different than my own. And knowing that I have to find a way to let go of the "should's" that come along with witnessing their choices.
Letting go of our "should's" means being able to feel true joy and excitement for one another. If we can simply empower one another there will be so many less "should's" in this world.
So that is what I aim to do. By choosing my own path, I let go of my "should's" (slowly but surely, one tiny step at a time). By embracing my joy, I embrace joy for other women. I hope I can inspire you to do the same.
And please know, whatever path you choose, there is no where else you should be.
With love and a little vulnerability too,