The Weight Of Each Winter Brings Discovery Closer

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Dear Reader,

I have now been living out of my backpack for a month and half, a lifestyle I thought I knew well, a practice that I expected to come easy.

Yet it feels changed this time around.

I quit my job five months ago, left my entire life behind and set out to travel and embraced the constant change of car life.

I surprised myself with my openness to change. All the moving parts of my life shifted in sync with one another, and everything just fell into place. No force needed.

But this past month and a half, all the constant change has bred resistance deep within me, and try as I might to fight it, it’s there.

So, instead of fighting resistance, I’ve decided to listen to it, to learn from it, to let it move through me. My method for listening to my resistance is dance.

I’ve spent the past two weeks trekking from one Belgian city to another by train. And every single city I have stepped foot in is home to an incredible dance community (5 Rhythms and Ecstatic Dance —> conscious dance).

Conscious dance is about stepping into your body and breath and feeling, instead of thinking.

Every dance floor around the world is different.

I’ve danced at home in Bellingham, down in Olympia, WA, in Oregon, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Switzerland and all over Belgium.

There is something about European dance floors that pull you deeper into yourself and community.

Dance has been a magical part of this backpacking journey for me, and really helped me to dance through my resistance and truly understand the gift it’s giving me.

Five nights ago I danced in Bruges, Belgium and I pulled a tarot card with a beautiful illustration of a woman wandering through the changing colors of the mountain ranges alone and my breath caught in my body.

This was my card. This was my journey. Wandering through the changing colors, landscapes and cities to arrive home to the mountains.

After dance closed, a man read the flemish words on the card to me in English, and they read the following…

Transition Rites 

Changes of many winters 

mark the cycles of the Wheel 

The lines on my old face 

show everything I feel 

Because in the bottom of my heart 

there is my destiny. 

When I was only a child 

at the beginning of time, 

Was every discovery 

a miracle for me. 

Now that I am old, 

I know once more: 

Weight of each winter, 

brings discovery closer.

This winter has been full of weight for me.

  1. From negative attitudes, people, and vibes upsetting my flow.

  2. To a lack of human touch and connection leaving me feeling depleted.

  3. And finally, to my resistance, making each step feel sticky, as if I’m wading through tar.

But as I read that card, in the middle of a room full of strangers, in a country thousands of miles from home I felt clarity:

  1. This year is about positivity. People’s negative vibes are simply present to challenge my commitment to positive vibes. With each obstacle placed in my path, I have the opportunity to test my strength, to step outside of other people’s emotions and into my own. I have the power to shine my light, regardless of the darkness around me.

  2. This year is about pleasure. Human connection is a beautiful and essential part of humanity. I am all deserving of love, touch and pleasure. I am worthy. I am capable. And I can heal and seek unimaginable pleasure and connection.

  3. This year is about change. As my tarot card said, the wheel is ever shifting. Each new turn brings change. It took entering unfamiliar cities (some of the most beautiful in the world) to realize my heart belongs in the mountains and to the sea. It took wandering up to a Chalet in the French alps to fall in love with a log cabin in the woods of Washington. A cabin I’ve never even been drawn to, and now feels like the perfect place to return.

I am forever grateful for each change in my life, that is why I love travel so much. With each change the destiny in the bottom of my heart clarifies.

I deeply look forward to the next change, to moving back towards nature, to living in Luna once again, to traveling a new and unfamiliar part of the country, to more dance, more pleasure, more positivity, and the change of creating a magical and secluded home base in the mountains for myself.

Sometimes it takes big changes to help us see the blessing and opportunities in our lives clearly.

So, here’s to change, here’s to travel, here’s to clarity!

Big hugs from Belgium! I’m off to Budapest today and in a little less than two weeks I’ll be heading back to the states!