This morning I woke up to a message on Instagram from Howl Often -- in this message the co-founder (Alex, a Bellingham local -- so rad) invited me to write a guest post for Howl Often AND...wander with her. Talk about an incredible collaboration, inspiration and my dreams totally coming true! I couldn't contain myself! I nudged my partner awake, I texted my Mom, I even told my colleague when I got into the office. I spent the entire morning totally jazzed.
At lunch I received a phone call from my mechanic, Jason - super nice guy, totally trust him to tell it to me straight. And boy, he told it today. Gypsy had an oil leak...the leak damaged her breaks, the wheel-bearings, and worst case the axel, this I knew. This I was expecting. I was not expecting Jason to take a deep breath and say, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news."
In short, it turns out the seller I bought Gypsy from did a temporary patch job to cover up a huge problem. I'm looking at a 1600 dollar repair and a whole new rear differential. Worse, I'm feeling like a super shady, unethical seller pulled one over on me - and my view of human morality is a little diminished.
Wandering from such an incredible high, to a very discouraging low has made for a rough day. But, I still want to write for you. I want to write about these roller-coaster days we all face. And, I want to write about how I'm choosing to handle my day.
Because my day was not just the high, high and the low, low. It was all the dips and peaks in between.
After I received the news from Jason, I received a text from a friend who I traveled with in the past. Out of the blue she wrote me and asked, "Do you have plans to travel anytime soon?!" I was frazzled, and frustrated, thinking, "well I did but now they are ruined. But as I reread her question I began thinking, "I have so many options!"
Really, I have about a million options (maybe 5-10 that feel viable or graspable), from the selling the van and cutting my losses, repairing Gypsy and sticking with my van-life plan, to hopping on a plane and traveling abroad, or any combination in between! Needless, to say there's a lot to consider.
So, I'm considering.
I wrote this post to connect with you, but also to connect with myself.
I threw a 30 second tantrum (maybe like 4 different 30 second tantrums spread throughout my day) because sometimes you just need to do that to be able to think again.
Then, I went to yoga and focused on breath and radical acceptance. And at yoga the teacher said, "take time where you are, to choose. We so rarely get choices in our adulthood."
But I think we are faced with so many choices, we simply aren't open to them. We stay the course and never listen to what the universe has to say, the options it provides.
We rarely accept where we are and just sit still until we feel clear to move in one direction or another. So, today, on this roller coaster day, I am going to accept where I am; and I am going to take time to mull over my options and follow what feels easy - trusting that it will be exactly right.
Here's to those roller-coaster days, to accepting them, sitting with them and finally to re-adjusting as we wander through the unpredictable world! Oh, and if you need to throw a little fit, I definitely do not pass judgement!
If you have any thoughts, any bits of wisdom or creative ideas for me, I am open! I may follow your words, and I may not. Please know that I appreciate your input either way.
With love and gratitude,