Today (well technically yesterday, because I had to find Wifi to post this, but go with me here) marks day one of my journey.
I have reached my first destination.
I sit on a beach, pretty much entirely coated in sand — because why would I ever bring anything to sit on?
Seagulls flap haphazardly around me - reminding me I am alive, as my heart thumps in my chest. For those of you who don’t know, I’m low key terrified of birds.
Photographers roam the beach, attempting to capture the sun as it sets, gently kissing the roaring waves goodnight.
I sit, knowing this moment cannot be captured, it can only be experienced. So, I enjoy the contrast of mother nature’s creation. The calm and the wild dancing together.
I am struck with the fact that I don’t know where I am sleeping tonight, tomorrow or the next night for that matter.
Yes, I have a few ideas. Most likely a hotel parking lot that doesn’t appear to register its patron’s vehicles (see updates below).
And suddenly I am hit by a memory, of the boy who told me stories years ago. Stories about the nights we would spend on this beach, together, beneath the stars, in his Subaru. And even though I’m not sure where I’ll rest tonight; even though there’s a certain amount of fear in this and even though I only have my judgement to rely on…I am happy.
Happy to be here alone.
I feel immense gratitude for this opportunity to wander wildly, to wander boldly, and to wander, most importantly in this moment, in solitude.
I am grateful I can take this time to write, uninterrupted.
I am grateful to have transformed Luna into a stealth vehicle, she’s my one travel companion and I appreciate that she can fly under the radar with me.
I am grateful for silence — absent of any pressure to speak.
I am grateful that I can belt out T-Swift on the road, without judgement.
And I am grateful I can buy exactly what I want at the grocery store — knowing there is no one else to care for or inconvenience.
It’s totally terrifying to be alone with myself, my thoughts, feelings, worries and wonders.
But it’s also magical and empowering. And each new day grants me the opportunity to better understand myself, my needs and every lovable part of me.
So lovely readers, here’s what I ask of you. Take a walk with yourself today, eat a meal alone (the exact meal you want), or curl up with your journal, solo in the sunshine. Whatever sounds just right to you — but the key is to do it not only for yourself, but with yourself alone.
If you can find one teeny tiny ounce of gratitude, one spec of love for yourself or the time you spend alone, I am proud of you! In a world of overstimulation, of avoidance and distraction, it is rare that we ground into ourselves.
But even when it’s uncomfortable, it’s worth it. This practice has brought me into my truest self, led me to a journey of a lifetime, and filled my soul with gratitude.
If you do in fact take a moment to spend time with yourself today, please share it with me! Here through the comment section, via email, on Facebook or Instagram - I so want to hear, converse and share!
…Keep scrolling for an update
UPDATE from Day 2**
Okay sweet readers, here is a quick update filled with all the nitty-gritty because by now, you know I don’t hold back!
I did in fact sleep in a hotel parking lot last night. I pulled my car into a spot right in front of the main office and watched the hotel owner make himself a cup of coffee, naturally, I freaked myself out. I pulled BACK OUT OF THE LOT, drove around the block, watched some World of Dance up the block, used the public restroom and drove back to the hotel at 9 PM - thankful to see everyone’s lights off and blinds closed, I hunkered down. It was perfect, quiet and cozy. I woke up with a view of the beach.
This morning, I washed my face, clipped my nails, wiped down my body and brushed my teeth in a public restroom (luckily a super clean and spacious one).
This morning I also ate breakfast in that back of Luna with her trunk popped and the occasional passerby gawking at me.
A dear friend, who lives in their van, recently told me I would get used to living my life in public eventually. And as I knew it would, eventually came quite quickly. Eating, drinking, pooping, nail clipping, changing, sleeping, none of that is shameful, and all of it can be done whilst living on the road — of course I do already miss my bathtub and stove. Nonetheless, I’d say, I’m adjusting pretty well!