I’m sitting in a Toyota Dealership, half forcing myself to write to you. The past 24 hours have been a little wild, from strange men on BLM land, to unplanned truck stop sleeping, and finally to Luna breaking down on the side of the highway.
I have a pretty intense attachment to Luna. She’s my travel companion, my home, she is my soul sister, and the only other entity that travels with me all around the country. I’ve taken her to parts of the world she would never have seen without me as her driver, and likewise, she has taken me. We are a team. When she is hurt, I hurt.
Last night, driving and talking on the phone for moral support to try to figure out what to do, I felt less fear about the money for repairs, or where I’d sleep if they couldn’t fix her in one day. Instead, I really lost it when the words left my mouth: “she’s hurt and I don’t know what’s wrong.” I seriously love my car ya’ll, I couldn’t have taken this incredible trip to empowerment without Luna. And the past 24 hours have reminded me how important she is in this equation. But alas, the practical and the emotional all play a roll in this situation.
So, today I found myself thinking back to a post I read a year and a half ago by a women whose van broke down, and in the midst of repairs she wrote about radical acceptance.
Whilst thinking of this post and trying to remember her words of encouragement, I found myself constantly running through all the things I could and should have done differently; all the different mechanics I could have gone to; all the different places I should have stopped; hell, even thinking I should have just stayed in Dallas with my supportive community.
But obviously, all those thoughts are the furthest thing from radical acceptance.
So sew me, radical acceptance doesn’t come easily to me all the time — sometimes it’s a process, and that’s okay.
And as a part of the process I’m working on remembering what radical acceptance actually looks like.
Radical acceptance is knowing you’re right where you are, nowhere else.
Radical acceptance is sitting with the moment for what it is — not for the million things you could have done before now, or the million things you have to handle tomorrow.
Radical acceptance is taking things one step at a time as they emerge, and reminding yourself all is unfolding exactly as it should.
Radical acceptance is trying to find the silver lining — like remembering how big of a role Luna has played in my empowerment journey and honoring her with a necessary repair.
Radical acceptance is mega hard, and also mega important.
So here’s to moments that give us no other option than radical acceptance or a complete breakdown (both of which I danced between today), here’s to our companions in life, friends, family, lovers and cars alike, here’s to the ponderosa pines of California, route planning with your old man over the phone and a million phone calls to mom, here’s to eventually reaching a place of acceptance — maybe not radical but at least a step closer.
May each of you find peace by accepting exactly where you are!